Mars rover set to zap rock, analyze chemicals

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Wasatch Mountains, Utah

It is a bright new world out there for me. A lot has changed over the last 3 years.

Addiction can be an SOB!! Being a slave to it for the better part of 20+ years, I can tell you, I have missed so much of life! Not only of my own life, but of the lives of the people that I care about the most.

My nephew is about to start his senior year in High School!! Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday that I was flying back from Seattle, Washington to be with my sister when she was having him. I knew she was going to need a “C” section for birth, and I wanted to be here to help in any way that I could.

I remember my niece….so little. Now she is starting her sophomore year in High School. She got her learners permit to drive this year and will have her full blown license here in no time.

Then there is my other nephew. He is my, now follow this, my brother-in-laws, ex-wife’s son, from another marriage. I claim him as my nephew. In my eyes, there are more lines to family than just blood. I remember when this shy kid came over to my sisters house for the first time. So shy and timid. No taller than the kitchen table. I took him into my other nephews room and showed him where the Play Station was. From that moment on, I was his best friend. Now, he has graduated from Trade College and is a part of the adult workforce.

Where has the time gone? Well folks, that is an entirely different story. One that I am not going to share just yet.

The most important thing I have learned since becoming clean is that you should not worry about where the time has gone. But to where the time is going!! There is nothing you can do about the past. No amount of worry, no amount of crying and no amount of depression can ever change what has already happened.

The Future is what you have control over. You control what happens in your future if you pay attention to what is going on in the NOW. That is what I tell myself daily. I am working on my future. Not worrying about my past. To boldly go where no man has gone….yet!

Well, here it is, another Christmas Season is upon us.  Before we know it, it will be a brand new year!! YIPPIE!!  Not sure about the rest of you, but I sure am ready for a brand new year to start!  I must say though that I have learned a lot this year!  I learned who my real friends are (learned that the hard way)…I learned the true meaning of Recession (still learning that one)…and, I’m learning how to cook (look out Paula Dean, here I come!!).  =)

About four months ago I got really tired of the same old stuff we’ve been cooking at our house.  So, I went out and bought a cookbook.  Four months (and three more cookbooks) later, we have been eating good, healthy food!  I love it!  We should have done this earlier.  Who knew that I could follow instructions well enough to create delicious foods lol.

The true meaning of Recession is…not being able to find work for the last 4 months.  I have been laid off from my job since July!  The sad thing is, is that I’m not the only one out there looking for work.  There are a lot of people, people who have their Masters Degree (which is part of the problem in finding a job!) that are applying for the same job.  Thank God for unemployment!!

Finding out who your friends are, whether the hard way or not, is always hard to deal with.  Usually because it’s never the one’s you think!  I had a small group of friends that was pretty close.  We did everything together!  We’d go out drinking, or go over to one’s house and party there.  Hell, we’d even go to Wendover, NV once a year.  And, when it came right down to it, not a single one was there for me.  Oh, unless it was to blame me for someone else’s problems.  For me, and correct me if I’m wrong here, but  a TRUE friend is there for you through thick and thin!!  Good or bad!  A true friend is the one that is in your face when you’re screwing up BIG time, telling you where the bear’s go in the woods, then helps you come up with a plan to fix the problem.  I guess I’m to trusting of people.  To willing to see the good in everyone, when (and I’m still having a hard time learning this one) not everyone has good in them.  I should revise that….Not everyone is willing to SEE, and USE, the good in themselves.  I guess it’s just easier to be a hateful, miserable human being.  Well, I don’t have time for people like that anymore.  Instead of trying to see the good in everyone, I’m going to look for the people who show the good in themselves freely and willingly.  That is what I need in my life at this point.  I’ve been the hateful, miserable person for most of my life.  It’s time to change all that and be a happy, God-fearing, God LOVING person!  One who brings joy to people’s lives!  And what a perfect time of year to turn over a new leaf!!

The year 2011 is going to be a FANTASTIC year!!  A year of new, and better friends!  A year of education (I start College on January 17th!)!  A year of new beginnings!!  I cannot wait!  I look forward to this adventure!  I hope all of you have a great Christmas and a wonderful NEW YEAR!!

Merry Christmas!!

Christmas in the post-War United States

Image via Wikipedia


Well folks, this will be my first post in years.  With the new blog web site, i thought it prudent to say a little something.  i just got out of the hospital earlier today (Monday October 25, 2010).  i had some new blood clots form in my left leg over the past month.  on this trip to the hospital, i had a wonderful E.R. doctor, who took it upon himself to offer world class medical care to someone that has no insurance (that uninsured person would be me:) ).  on this trip i had a Venous Filter put in my chest so that if any clots broke free from my leg, GOD forbid, they would be caught by this filter instead of going to any major organs.  glad to be home and comfortable again!  i’ll blog more tomorrow, right now i am heading off to bed to get some much needed sleep!  have a good night all!!

I feel like I’m stuck in limbo…I have been in the hospital now for about 5 days.  I have had a problem with blood clots in my legs for the past 17 years….and "they" still don’t have any idea why I get them.  "They" have told me a couple of different reasons….but, every reason is different depending on the Doctor I am talking with that particular day.  One tells me that I have a "clotting factor 8".  Another tells me that it is impossible for me to have "clotting factor 8".  One tells me that I have "hyperhomocystinemea".  But, no one else seems to have heard of it.  As a side effect of the blood clots in my legs, I have poor circulation.  Which, in turn, causes a thing called "stasis ulcers".  A stasis ulcer is caused from blood pooling in the bottom of my leg from poor circulation.  Poor circulation causes my legs to swell up to 3 times the normal size, which cause all of the smaller capulary veins close to the surface of the skin to burst from the pressure of the swelling.  The blood then flows into the tissues which end up breaking down in time.  Long story short….(too late, lol), the ulcer is pretty much a hole in my leg which causes a great deal of pain.  "They" say there is nothing that can be done, really, about the ulcer short of surgery.  But, the surgery runs the risk of causing more blood clots to form….which is the root of the whole problem to begin with.  Back to square one….so to speak.  But, even after all the drama, the pain, the frustration….you just have to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.  I try not to think about it too much because if I do…..I will lose my mind completely and just give up.  That I just can not do!  I guess what I’m trying to say is that no matter what life throws at you, try to keep in mind that it’s not all that bad really.  What does not kill us….makes us stronger.  I wouldn’t wish what I go through on my worst enemy….but, I wouldn’t want to trade my pains for someone elses happiness either.  Our pains in life let us see our happiness and joy when we have it!  Live well….and keep the faith!!   –  JayDub